A Better Place

Your dad is in a better place now. No, really! Using the Microsoft PDT (Post-Death Tracker) we implanted pre-mortem, we’ve followed his location-tracking signal into heaven. Look, we're getting the first video footage now! It’s grainy, but you can clearly make out angels frolicking. Wow, everyone looks so self-actualized—everyone’s completely confident in their body. Folks are eating whatever they want with zero guilt; there’s no acne to be found. And isn't that your childhood dog, Zippy, alive and well, playing fetch with your father? So yeah, rest assured that your dead dad is pretty darn happy right now. I’m jealous!