Hard Brew

Our coffee shop doesn’t belong in the same breath as those mainstream, populist, watered-down chains. Our coffee sizes are Punk, Hardcore, Rebel, Instigator, Anarchist, and Disinformation Architect. Our sweetness levels are Acid, Stomach-Churner, Bowel Riot, and Xenomorph Blood. None of this flavor-shot foolishness—if you want a milkshake, the exit is right over there. And no, we don’t offer cardboard cup sleeves; grit your teeth and feel the burn, or get out. Staff who utter the word “decaf” are fired on the spot. Our brewing methods include drip, pour-over, vacuum siphon, tongue-lashing, scar-tissue filtration, and corporal punishment. We also offer frappes.