Humblebrag

Look at me, then look at you. I have literally dozens of social-media followers. Nearly a hundred dollars in the bank. A house, too! Specifically, my parents' house; my mom’s a really good cook. My clothing is mostly Lewis Veeton. Spelled like that. My fans number in the double digits, rounding up. I got so many women, I didn’t know what to do with them; that probably explains why I don’t get any women anymore. My dance moves are incomparable—people really say there’s nothing to compare them to. Look at me, then look at you. Er, just at you, actually.