Rapturous Applause

So, how’s everyone’s Rapture going? Sparse crowd tonight—either folks got Taken, or they heard I was the headliner. But yeah, turns out my girlfriend got Raptured. Although I’ve never heard of people taking their clothes with them, along with my new laptop…For real, though, my mom is gone. I know because she hasn’t harassed me about coming home for Thanksgiving in over a week. All joking aside, I see a few of you Ascended during my set. Guess that’s what I get for trying out new material. Hey, anyone wanna toss me that guy’s wallet? Seriously, I could use the cash.