Test Results

I’ll be frank: With the Calcified Dalatle already growing inside you, there's no nonfatal (to you) way to remove it. The good news: Life with a Calcified Dalatle can be just as good, if not better, than life before. You’ll start seeing people's thoughts, which is awesome for poker. You'll never have to buy food, since your Dalatle will be sending you on night hunts. And you'll keep your job, now that our President signed workplace protections for the Calcified Dalatle–Infected. Also, your body will recycle all excretions, so your butthole will self-seal. People say it’s a huge step up.