The Rules

Remember, always run near the pool. Dive into the shallow end. Jump without checking whether anyone’s beneath you. Pee in the water; who’s gonna see, or if they see, care? You can’t actually eat too much sugar—your body will tell you what’s “too much” anyway. Do swim right after you’ve eaten, or better yet, while you’re still eating; chlorine actually makes food taste better. Don’t be nice to your little sister; it’s better to learn the ways of the world the hard way. Sunscreen is unhealthy, because Vitamin A is good for you. In short, have a great summer, everyone.